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Ice Phoenix (Tracy) PG-13   
01:41am 25/02/2009
  Title: Ice Phoenix
Rating : PG-13
Character: Tracy
Spoilers: Possibly "Building 26"
Summary : Tracy's thoughts under the heat lamps

The door closed behind me again and returned me to the never ending loneliness
and heat. For a week now my entire existence has been to attempt to think about
something besides the intense heat slowly leeching all my strength and mind.
It's all those years being called the ice princess to go in the way I am now.
Nathan had not thought through his plan and didn't give much concern to any
well being. It seems he felt if I died it would be much better to his cause.
No one wanted to come near enough to feed me anything so life revolved around
the never ending heat and being tasered long enough for them to dope me up and
give me some form of nutrition. I'm not even sure any more what they did. All
sense of time is leaving. Most of the time I go on with my eyes closed and even
then the red light come through. I can't turn her head enough to get away from
the light. The quiet doesn't even bother me any more, nothing existed any more
but the intense heat and the slow dehydration occurring. I'm surprised it hasn't
come yet, being unconscious would be so much better then what life was now.
Someone must be watching though, whenever I try to sleep the alarm sounds and
I'm hit by a cold torrent of water. It doesn't last long though. I've grown
interested in hearing the sizzling of it as it hits the ground, or maybe thats
it sizzling on my skin. I can't really feel my arms any more. The way it's
restrained and its weight comes close to dislocating my shoulders if I move.
Least I can move my legs I can exercise that way and keep me occupied. They
learnt quick to not come in front of me or maybe it was me. I'd kick out at
them using the bar as a counter weight. I could get one good shot in but then
I was stuck unable to right again stuck on the floor. I didn't care about the
indignity of it, all dignity is gone now, they took it from me. Maybe it was
me that gave up first, I can't remember now. I may have been here day a week a
month I don't know any more. All I know is that I will get him. I'll punish him
for this. I'll punish them all. They kept me here, they find it amusing, heat
up the ice princess. Keep me too hot to function. Just let them wait, wait until
the ice princess arises again. The phoenix will freeze and out of the ice I
will rise and they will learn the hell I have lived. I don't need a room and
heat lamps to torture them. All I need is myself. Wherever he goes I will find
him and his room will become hell frozen over.
 
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Shattered Pieces (4/?) (Peter/Niki(Jessica))   
01:31pm 03/06/2008
  A week went on like this and Peter came to know that Tina was one of the main reasons Niki was surviving at all. During the week he had gotten to speak to Tina much and though their introduction had been rocky at best he was seeing in her the spark Niki used to have. Tina was able to give him more insight into the woman Niki used to be, and he tells her more of what she had become. Over the week working together and with Jessica keeping Niki from knowing they had cleaned up a few of the rooms so that they could remain temporarily there 24/7.

Over the week of constant observation they saw that though Niki had spiraled quite quickly into her own reality, Jessica was slowly being driven mad herself by Niki and her forced isolation, as well as her guilt in not being able to protect Niki enough. It was decided that the next time Jessica was able to gain control they would start to make plans. Niki and Jessica both despised hospitals so that was out of the question. The only way they could help would be on their own.

Niki had been complaining since early that morning, about it being too quiet, that Jessica wasn't speaking to her much. The others realized this was Jessica biding her strength and time so that they might speak that night. The few minutes they had spoken to her at the beginning of the week she had attempted to quickly explain how things worked for her. That it might be possible that lying in wait as she had done for years even briefly might once again give her an edge to take control for longer. Her voice had turned fearful at the time as she slipped into her own paranoia of Niki gaining strength to shut her down for good. She practically begged them to remember that she was always there listening and watching and to if it didn’t work and she lost more control of herself to not let her be all alone again, to still speak to her and try to help her get control again. Over the week, sometimes they had realized the fear they were seeing in Niki's eyes at time really wasn't her own.
**************


They had been finishing up dinner when Niki's face suddenly went blank. They were used to this signal of the change by now but something seemed to be wrong. Enough time had passed for someone to have exerted control.

Peter moved closer and touched her shoulder hoping for a response. When he got none, he looked over at Tina nervously. He shook her shoulder hoping to get something out of her. There wasn't even Niki's normal response of becoming tense. Peter was getting worried that Jessica's plan had in some way backfired. That the isolation Jessica decided to do to herself had been the final straw for both of them.

He moved down in front of her looking at her straight in the eyes holding her shoulders, "Jessica? Are you there?" There was still no response and Peter could hear Tina starting to pace. He wasn't sure if this was Jessica trying to regain control or if Niki had suddenly completely gone into her own world.

"Jessica! You said you could hear and see us no matter what. If you are trying to regain control please give us some way to know because right now we are not sure what is happening."

There was still no response so Peter called back onto his training. He ran to the draw Niki kept small odds and ends in and came up with a flashlight. Going back to Niki he shined it into her eyes hoping for some reaction, but got nothing. Sighing, he put his head into his hands wondering if they really had lost her.

Being there was nothing he could do for her at the moment he began clearing away the meal they had been having, carefully taking away the items around Niki. Tina's pacing behind him was becoming more frantic with worry.

"What? Are you just giving up on her?!" she shouted at Peter.

"There isn't anything we can do. Either Niki finally has shut down completely or Jessica is having a very hard time gaining control. We knew it was a possibility. She knew it too. She knew it better then any of us living this way for so long."

"But there must be something we can do...a hospital or something. I know they don't want it..."

"NO!" Peter said while practically slamming the plates into the sink. "That is the last thing they would want. They are both terrified of being locked up again. She's just having a hard time now, we get them into that situation..." Peter trailed off before continuing. "You know as well as I. Her history, her problems, she'll never get out."

With that Peter walked over to Niki. He pulled on her arm to get her to stand happy to see at least enough of a reaction of compliance. Whatever made her Niki or Jessica might be out of commission, but some response was beginning to return. He guided her over to the bedroom and helped her lie down. He'd been in this situation before, caring for someone so clearly unresponsive, but this was the first time he had an emotional attachment to the person. He didn't want to see Niki, or Jessica, this way. And he wasn't sure which of them would be more affected by awakening after this.
*********

Over the next few days they cared for her. Peter got Tina caught up on how to help someone in her condition and thru it all they tried to get some response out of her. They spoke to her both as if she was Niki and as if she was Jessica. They spoke to Niki of DL and Micah, not caring if bringing her around was just to trade one reality for another. They spoke to Jessica of how hard they knew it must be, how they knew she was trying desperately to protect Niki, and if it was easier to give up fighting for control at the moment to do so, that if she needed to rest she could. That they would not forget her or Niki that they were there to help both of them still.

After another day of failure they turned in for the night it wasn't much later that a scream pierced the air and they were in Niki's room faster then either of them thought possible.

Peter pulled her straight up and looked into her eyes. "Niki!" The screaming didn't stop. He tried again, "Jessica!" Suddenly some clarity came to her eyes and she seemed confused and quieted.

Peter relaxed his hold as she looked at him blearily, "You heard me....finally, someone heard me...I've been screaming for so long."

The sadness in her voice caused Peter to hate himself for agreeing to her plan. "Yes, Jessica. I hear you now." He could see the relief on her face and her attempting to calm herself and regain control of herself.

She smiled at him nervously, "That was harder then I expected. I don't think I'll try that again."

She looked at Tina and nodded her thanks. "Thank you both for keeping your promise and remembering what I said about being aware even when its Niki."

"So it's been you all this time."

"Yes, You all were...eating I think, when I finally was able to take control...but then I couldn't respond to you. She kept fighting back. She's very angry, she thinks I'll hurt Micah or DL again. My disappearing and reappearing has her thinking something from the past is happening again."

Tina looked over. "That night I first met you..."

"Yes, then when DL took Micah away, it might be in our favor she couldn't fight me as well then she might not attempt to as much now if she's in that time. So, I guess its time we had our talk on what to do about our situation."
**************
 
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Bowling with the Sanders   
12:08am 22/01/2008
  Title: Bowling with the Sanders
Rating : PG
Character : Niki, Jessica, Gina & Micah
Spoilies: up to 2x8 "4 Months Ago"
Summary : A outting bowling with the Sanders is a lot different then a normal family outting.



Niki walked into the bowling alley with Micah kicking herself for agreeing to Gina's idea about them all going bowling. By all she meant ALL of them. Bringing up the topic to Micah caused quite odd looks from her son, but by now living with them all, he was used to his mother not being completely normal.

Niki walked up to the counter and got bowling shoes for herself and Micah. She was dreading the next part and hoped no questions were asked.

The attendant walked over with the shoes and asked how many games they wished to play. Looking over to her right she could see Gina and Jessica arguing already about who would play first and what balls they would get.

"Well, I need to be able to score for 4 people."

The attendant used to odd requests didn't bat an eye and set it up for them.

They all walked over to choose the balls to bowl with. Jessica got impatient with the bickering of Gina and took over to grab the 3 balls they had chosen Niki reminded her it would look a bit odd for a woman to just rush by carrying 3 bowling balls. And got her to agree to only carry two and that Niki would choose one closer so it didnt seem she was grabbing tons of balls just for herself.

"Okay, who wants to go first?" Niki asked the group surrounding her.

"I do! I do!" Gina practically screamed.

Micah had gotten used to his mom switching between people quickly but it was still odd to see especially in a place so public.

"Fine you first, then Micah, then me, then..." She noticed she didnt see Jessica near her and looked over to see her looking up and down some guy. "Jessica! I am not going to let you do anything with him."

"Yea like you could really stop me if I wanted it."

"Fine. Just not here and now. Don't get us kicked out. Let's just play."
*********

Frame 1

Gina walked up with her ball happy that she was getting some time of her own. She didnt really understand why Niki and Jessica didnt trust her. She just liked to have fun and get out. She could see Niki and Jessica telling her to hurry and take her turn. Jessica was threatening to force her to and Niki was trying to calm her down telling her that Gina was just excited.

She threw the ball and it started its path down only hitting a few pins. She pouted and tried again only hitting a few more.

"I'm no good at this." She headed back to sit down and give into to Niki.

"It's fine, not everyone is good at all games." Niki said to calm her down.

"Its just not fair. Why cant we do something I like, like go to L.A. again."

Jessica took over when Niki became upset and quite angrily said, "Because we can't trust you from what happened last time."

Micah was getting worried one frame in and already the battle and odd looks from others were beginning. He walked over to them.

"Mom!"

Jessica looked up and let Niki take over again.

"Yea, sweetie."

"Maybe this isn't going to work."

"No, it will work out. Gina knows that if she keeps it up now that she will not be given another chance."

Micah knew his mom wasn't completely right. If Jessica or Gina got into their heads to take over, they were smart enough to do it without Niki able to stop them.
******

Frame 2

Micah got up to bowl again. This time there had been no fit from Gina. He had given her a hand. It was always odd to do things for Jessica or Gina. Well not as odd for things for Jessica, he had gotten used to her over time and could judge her moods. Gina acted a lot younger then either of them and didn't really view him as a son the way Jessica did. Because of this, he had to constantly remind himself that his mom is still there somewhere inside.

He was having a pretty good time bowling. And after dealing with Gina trying to tell him to just make the machine give her better scores. And him explaining that, they could be asked to leave for that or worse. He was on his way to a second spare, maybe a strike. In the end, bowling for him was just another exercise in math and probabilities.
*****

Frame 3

Niki went up to bowl surprised that things were actually going pretty smoothly. Micah of course was having no problems. Gina was actually being pretty good with Micah's help, though she wondered if Gina would make it thru the entire thing without incident. Jessica was enjoying brute forcing the game. And there werent as many stares from other patrons as she expected. She looked around at her family. Micah was sitting down patiently awaiting his turn. Jessica was keeping Gina in control by actually talking with her nicely. She had seen that Gina at times brought out Jessica maternal side much like Micah did. Considering Gina acted a lot younger and more carefree. She once again was happy about how good a kid Micah was growing up.
********

Frame 4

Jessica was enjoying the game. It was fun to use the strength; she so enjoyed, to show off by brute force knocking over the pins. She was about to throw the ball again when she heard Gina behind her.

"Your gonna lose!"

Jessica turned around. "Stop it!" she turned back, threw the ball a little too hard, and ended up denting the metal wall behind it.

Gina started laughing at her and she saw Niki reprimanding Gina for her behavior. Niki looked at her with a look of understanding.

As she walked by giving Niki control again she passed by Gina and went "Least I can get a strike."
********

Frame 5

Gina walked up to bowl she was already getting bored of the game.

"This isnt fun any more, Micah. I wanna do something fun."

She heard Jessica behind her going. "Your just a sore loser."

She started yelling at Jessica about not being a sore loser and having a full-fledged tantrum. All while Jessica was also yelling at her by attempting to take over. People were really looking now and Micah made himself smaller.

At this point Niki took over, "Stop it guys I'm bowling for Gina this turn now." She looked at Gina. "You stop it and calm down or you are done playing this. And you, Jessica, stop egging her on."

"I didn't do any...."

"Yes you did. You were angry at her from the last turn."

Micah suddenly started applauding. "Funny show, Mom. Yea I'll remember to not act that way again like last time."

As people around then sheepishly looked away. Niki thanked Micah. She would have to keep a tighter rope on Gina now.

She got Gina a spare and she could feel that Gina was a little happier now. She was already commenting that technically it was her score.
********

Frame 6

Micah wasn't enjoying the bowling as much as when they started. Yea hanging out with his mom was fun and even Jessica was okay. But he didn't like Gina. She acted so childish that it embarrassed him to know people would think it was Niki herself. He was glad that they both made sure Gina never took over again on her own.

He didn't like feeling embarrassed around his own mom, but it was hard never knowing who would be there.
*****

Frame 7

Niki kicked herself for not having realized something would happen. She would have ended the game immediately if it weren't for Micah and even Jessica enjoying themselves. It had been a close call when Gina threw her tantrum; luckily, Micah's quick thinking solved that. But Niki knew if it happened again, they had to leave. She had to be careful if people started realizing Micah would be affected again by being teased in school about her.
*****

Frame 8

Jessica walked up to play angry at the scene Gina had caused. She'd speak to her later when Niki was sleeping or otherwise unaware. Niki did not need to see her ream out the carefree one of their bunch. She was glad that her and Niki had come to an agreement. They shared time; Niki had her things to do and Jessica hers. Even Micah did not care about it. But with Gina there it was harder. Gina couldnt be trusted and she liked to goad and try to trick Niki into putting her guard down. She felt partly responsible for DL, if she hadnt been so angry with Niki that she was ignoring life around her she would have made sure that Gina did not take control and run off.

*********

Frame 9

Micah walked up with Gina to the lane.

"All right this time I'm sure you'll at least get a spare."

"Really?"

"Yea. Here come up to this line and just stand real still"

Micah realized that compared to his mom and Jessica, Gina was full of pent up energy. Always on the move, which makes bowling a bit hard.

"Okay now don't move anything but your arm behind you then forward."

Gina did as Micah said and most of the pins went down. She got so excited she ran back and took Micahs ball and real quick went back before the pins had even reset.

"Gina wait!"

She stopped and looked at Micah.

"Remember, slow"

Gina did what Micah had told her and ended up with her first spare ever.
*******

Frame 10

Jessica walked up to do her last frame. She had to admit it wasn't half bad getting along with Niki now. She got what she wanted time to herself to do her own things and it wasn't a constant war of forcing Niki to let her. She scored the last frame practically getting a perfect 300.

"See, Niki. Told you strength gets you want you want."

Niki glared at her and checked over the other scores. Jessica had come in first, Micah and her tied for second, and Gina hadnt scored well at all. She knew it bothered Gina but there was nothing she could do about it.
******

End Game

Micah was heading out with him Mom following when suddenly he felt a tug on his arm.

"Come on! I found something cool!" Gina practically screamed at him.

Micah let Gina drag him to the arcade section where there was a dance machine.

Gina looked at it and chose an upbeat pop song.

"I love to dance. Give me a dollar for it."

Micah reminded her she was the one with the money.

"Oh great."

She got on the machine and started to dance away, laughing while she did it.

"Micah, join me this is fun!"

It reminded Micah of his mom on the days before all the Linderman things happened so he leapt onto the adjacent machine and joined her.

Niki and Jessica looked on.

"Amazing to see how something like that is enough to make her completely happy. She really is more like Micah or a young teen then she is an adult like us." Niki commented.

"Yeah. Makes you hope Micah doesnt end up that way as a teen doesnt it."

Overall, the day hadn't been bad and they now had a place to take Gina to give her a chance to wind down in a controlled way. It would never be the situation between Jessica and herself, but least they weren't ignoring her and she was better to deal with it for it.
 
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boredom fun   
11:27am 17/01/2008
   
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HAPPY HOLIDAY WALL!   
03:39pm 15/12/2007
   
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Shattered Pieces (3/?) (Peter/Niki(Jessica))   
04:31pm 25/09/2007
 
I used to have a lot of time to think. Before Niki started completely loosing grasp, when it was simply just the beginning of a long fall. Now it took more concentration then I could pull from the few resources we have. Fearing that if I became too weak I would completely lose myself. Niki at least had the comfort of believing she was living in reality and going thru the motions. But I knew the reality of it and that made it so much harder. When Niki had first started going downhill, we had conversations where I attempted to get Niki to realize what was real and what wasn't. This only led to Niki fighting harder and loosing ground faster. My more desperate attempts at taking over had led to the crashing of all reality for Niki. Those moments of awareness when they were between themselves, where there was no separation at all were too much for Niki.
 
During those times when thinking and planning without the constant rambling of Niki in their mind. She thought back to how it all began. My first memories were of standing over Niki's dead sister as their father reeled back to hit Niki and have her join her sister in death. That’s when I grabbed onto all of the memories Niki had of Jessica and made them myself. Jessica in life had been her protector and in death, she would be as well through me. I know I'm not really her sister she had in life, but a saying I heard once heard that memories make the person strikes me as true. I have all Niki's memories including all those of Jessica, and memories Niki doesn’t even have access to. I emulated all of her abilities, how she acted, how she looked, everything, and after a while I became her.
 
Then it had been simple I had aged with Niki at that time she was a child and it was easy to become what she wished. In my heart, I am Niki's sister, and nothing would break us apart again. I protected Niki then thru beatings and the healings so that Niki would not remember it at all. Attended classes for and did all she needed to get her thru. That's when the first problems began. Niki having no memory of my actions led to her not having memory of what she had learnt. So I made provisions, I always made provisions to keep us safe. When we finally moved out years later, when Niki became angry at the fact her father was never around from her perspective. I took a back seat. Figuring Niki could fight for herself.
 
Now this doesn't mean I never completely left I'd guide a hand, change an arrangement here or there, nothing big enough to be noticed. When Niki got too drunk and blacked out, I tended to be the one to awake first and deal with things. Because that’s my role, protecting Niki, protecting Micah. I never liked DL he was a threat to everything we were trying to make, an ex-con who I saw as dangerous. You have to remember the only man I really knew was our father. When he returned I had no choice but to start over again and as the black outs lessoned and Niki had awareness of each other totally things changed as well. When your entire life is to protect someone and then you can't, can't even have moments to exist to try. And all you can have is fleeting arguments about a reality that doesn't exist or an irrational thought brought up. Of course, you leap at a chance to end it all. Tina had been too frightened of me to help, even though she did accept that Niki was safe with me, I knew she was scared. So, when Peter showed up I saw our shot of fixing things. We'll never be normal, but we both deserve a chance to survive.
 
Even with rare moments of control I have now, I still protect her. And I always will. I have to think even now a part of her knows that. Well not think, I know she knows it I know everything she does. And I know how it hurts her to see me like this, just as it hurts me to see her the way she has become.
***************** 
 
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3 new walls!   
12:28pm 08/08/2007
  Jessica:




Jessica/Niki:
 
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Shattered Pieces (2/?) (Peter/Niki(Jessica))   
01:44am 01/08/2007
  Peter didn't sleep much that night, knowing you are sleeping in a room very close to someone who clearly is out of touch was not the safest feeling in the world. It gave him time to think though. With what the world had become after the explosion differences were more feared. He wondered how Niki had been able to survive this long, seriously doubting that she had the ability to live on her own all this time without help. Having Jessica obviously was one reason, she obviously could act as a voice of rationality when NIki was able ot listen. But from her own urgency Peter gathered those moments were becoming vewer and fewer. He drifted off figuring that Niki and Jessica, herself, needed all the rest they could get.
**********

Tina walked into the apartment as she did every day. She had given up long ago on fixing the place up or changing anything. The violent rages it had caused in Niki scared scare more then the night she had first met Jessica. She hadn't beleived Niki's speeches about their being someone in her killing others. Hadn't exactly understood NIki's ramblings aboout it and even then had been questioning her friends sanity. The day taht changed it all was when DL had taken Micah and she had walked into Niki's room to find a colder then normal Niki. When this other Niki had answered her that Niki wasnt around she had hightailed it due to Niki's warnings about the other her doing things. It proved it all in that moment. She could tell it wasnt the Niki she knew she was seeing at all.

About a month later she had heard that Niki was in jail and then in psychiatric treatment. It was scary to think that Niki had not been wrong. A month after that she heard Niki was home and headed over. The woman who answered the door was the woman she had seen that day months ago, the one Niki had called Jessica. It was obvious that she was pretending to be Niki but there was nothing she could do. The warnings from Niki in confidence let her know how dangerous this woman could be. Things went on until the bomb hit in New York. It had made national news of course because of how major it had been and how many had been injured and killed. At that point she had gone to Nikis to look for her. The house was deserted as if they had left it in a rush. She worried what had happened but there wasnt a way to find out. She kept returning every few days and finally one day she walked in and there was Niki sitting at the table.

But it wasn't the Niki she remembered. The woman before her might have looked like Niki but she looked completely lost, more lost then Tina had ever seen her. And then Niki said the last truly lucid thing Tina heard from her and the the last thing she ever expected to hear, "Micah's dead."
**********

Walking inside she saw a strange man on the couch. There wasn't any time to think about it she simply went up to him yelling, "What are you doing here?!"

She watched as the man jolted awake and backed up from her.

"What are you doing in this house?!"

Peter barely got a breath in to respond and cut her off, "Niki invited me. I swear."

Tina looked over at him wondering who the hell this man was. In all her visists to Niki it was haphazard knowing who would be answering that door that day. If it would be the Niki she had known or the Niki left over from losing everything she had ever known. Or if it might be the other woman, a mere shadow of the woman who scared her into abandoning Niki, reduced to moments of crying for help. It gave her a new understanding of the other side of the story. That even though what Jessica was doing was cuasing Niki to lose control for Jessica control was even more important having lived without it so long.

The commotion had brought Niki out of her bedroom.

"QUIET! You'll wake up Micah!"

Tina barely controled the flinch. Micah had been a sweet boy who had been the core of Niki's existing. And from the various tidbits she got from Jessica's fleeting outbursts the core of her existence as well. Now he was reduced ot a figment in Niki's broken mind. It made her wonder of the irony of insanity. Niki's irrational belief was the only thing keeping her sane to her own self. But in reality to those around her she appeared quite mad.

"Hey, you know I wouldn't do that on purpose, Niki." Tina walked up to her and went to put an arm around her, realizing it was a bad day when Niki backed away from the perceived threat of any contact and moved herself far out of reach.

"Yes...I know. And he's a friend, I think, I remember him from the dark time."

Tina closed her eyes. The dark time Niki's way of referring to when things went bad and she lost everything. If she was referring to it like that now today was going to be a worse day then she imagined.

With that final comment Niki went on preparing her day, stuck in and lost to a time that her fragile sanity couldn't bring itself to admit happened. And while she went on words coming forth from both parts of her split selves like an external dialogue. Tina and Peter could only look on knowing that they did have a partner in their fight to help her. Someone fighting to release themselves from Niki's veil of insanity before she herself went into the abyss Niki had already fallen into.
*********
 
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BAD TABLE! BAD MIRROR!   
11:37am 25/07/2007
  TAKE THAT!




 
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Shattered Pieces (1/?) (Peter/Niki(Jessica))   
01:17pm 04/06/2007
  Title: Shattered Pieces
Rating : PG-13 (possibly)
Pairing : Peter/Niki(Jessica)
Spoilies: Five Years Gone
Summary : Peter runs into a broken Niki's who's mind has broken to the point where reality means nothing any more.

Peter hadn't been living in LA for long when he found himself in a small club in one of the harsher parts of town. Signs everywhere advertised that this was where some woman named Jessica was well known at. Entering the club he decided to stand by and see who this person was.

A few other patrons seemed to be there to see her and were commenting on the fact that she always came on at the same time doing the same exact dance and then walked off. Someone had attempted to start a conversation with her and had been struck to the floor while she made a very odd comment about how they got into her garage. Peter figured most of the stuff was hype to try to give her an otherwordly view.

He waited and soon the woman appeared. He realized that he knew her that it was the woman Nathan had spoken to him about many years ago before he had given up on his family to be president. The woman who came out did not seem to even realize where she was and he wondered if maybe she was strung out. It would not have been an uncommon thing in the business she was in.

The dance ended and she walked off he followed because something about her intrigued him. She appeared to be having a converstaion with someone, taking on both parts. He came up beside her and was about to say something when she turned around.

"I know you...Yes it is him....But its been so long...No only 5 years..." Niki trailed off and Peter realzied there was more then just outside things affecting her. That whatever this future had done to him it had clearly broken her even worse. He remembered the last time he had seen her standing over the body of her son and husband. Nathan had been so aloof by that point that he had gone to comfort her and she had simply looked at him and told him that it was fine that Jessica would protect them that she always did. He had wondered if she even realized her loss at that point. Looking at her now he still wondered.

She gestured to him to follow and he did so. It seemed that even that small gesture took a lot of effort and she went back to her ramblings. The part of him who used to work hospice felt pity for her. She reminded him of those he worked with the few people who's minds had gone.
****

He followed her as she entered her house. It was the same one she had always lived in and she quite enjoyed living there with Micah and DL. As she entered she called out to them and was pleased to see Micah tinkering away at an old mother board while DL slept. She informed them a guest was there and snaked a glance at a nearby mirror and commented that Jessica better behave herself.
*********

Peter walked into the dilapidated house. Most of the furnishings were falling apart and he was surprised that someone could live there. He watched Niki walk into a nearby room that seemed to have once been Micahs. An old motherboard lied on the table in a pile of dust tools used to tinker by long dead hands still in their places. He followed her into what he beleived was her bedroom. The bed was made on one side as if never touched and the other side was rumpled and dust covered as if waiting for a man to sleep in it that would never return. He noticed the only thing in the house that were clean were the mirrors. The house was full of them like a fun house all polished completely as if most of Niki's attention went to their well being. He would think she must be vain if it werent for the unkempt appearance hidden under her clothing. THe bones ready to pierce skin so taunt that he was surprised if she even weighed a thing.
******

Niki started getting dinner ready for her family and guest. She turned to Peter, "I hope you like spaghetti its the one thing these guys love the most." She turned to the table smiling at her family, "Right, guys? You must love that i make it every night."

Peter walked up to the table looking at the bowls of rotten spaghetti carefully placed around a spot that obviously was set for her son and husband. Comic books laid out covered in dust and he noticed one was the 9th wonders series Hiro had carried around. At the spot that was obviously her husbands layed a ring with a skull on it. He was beginning to pity this woman before him. Who obviously had lost more then just her family. He glanced over where she was stirring a pot of spaghetti it apepared to be what she mostly lived on.

"Do you live with anyone here, Niki?"

"Well of course I do you've already met DL and Micah. Jessica shows up sometimes, but not as often as before."

Peter recognized the names from Nathan speaking about Niki. He had heard once that Niki brought up a woman named Jessica as being after him and wondered if they were one in the same.

"Well are you going to stand there all day? Take a seat..." She started pulling the chair out for him when her entire demeanor changed. Suddenly she grabbed his arm. "You have to help her! I can't live like this any more!" As fast as it happened it was gone and Niki continued, "...the boys are ready to eat."

Peter wondered what had just occured. The person speaking to him had not been Niki. Though quite distraught the words had been they had been far more lucid then the speech Niki was currenly going on about as she doled out the food. He was glad to see the plates she chose for them were clean and he attempted to not react oddly to seeing her put more food on top of hte already rancid food in the other plates.
*******

The conversation at the table had to be one of the oddest ones Peter had ever been in. Niki held up a one way conversation with the places her son and husband had been. Well, technically it wasnt a one way one. Every so often mid sentence Peter would hear what he now called the other voice. Obviously it was Niki speaking but the intonations were differnt, harsher almost, and if he could call it anything it was almost a voice of reason. The lilting quality Niki's voice held that screamed edge of sanity was not in the second voice.

Niki abruptly ended the meal and excusing herself and her unseen family members informed Peter that he could sleep on the couch. What Peter didn't know was that his night was about to get even odder.
***********
Peter was half asleep when he he felt someone shaking him. He looked up to see Niki over him but her eyes showed something
more behind them then the shifty eyes of one seeing a reality not there.

"Wake up! She fell asleep finally so we can speak now."

Peter jolted up. "Wait who are you?"

"Jessica. Look there is not time to explain all this. To put it simple I am part of Niki and Niki is part of me. But as you
can see she is quite broken and I do not wish to head down that path myself."

"Obviously you can take over why don't you do so and save yourself if you feel your in danger."

"You do NOT realize what it takes to take control. It hurts her to wake up and find herself not able to have her reality and
it's not just me i wish to save but her as well."

"Then why not do something when your both aware."

"Aware? You call this life NIki leads as her actually being aware? We speak to each other yes but there is no way to grab
hold when the footing you are looking for is constantly ripped away."

Jessica calmed herself down and looked Peter directly in the eyes.

"For all purposes I have no control. Neither does she. She can't deal with all the loss shes had so she ignores it. I'm not
even sure when shes speaking to me if she really means me."

Peter looked at her oddly.

"How can I help when I'm not even sure what is happening? You say Niki is sick but you ARE Niki!"

Jessica sighed and quietly said, "There's no way to make you understand how it is...Just if your going to stay help her,
don't become another figment in her imagination. And don't forget she's not the only one here."

With that Jessica looked away and suddenly her eyes open wide and she gasped, "How'd I get here? I was on my way to bed and
then suddenly I'm here."

Niki looked at Peter, "Do you know how I got here I don't want DL to think I came to you."

Peter realized that Jessica had been truthful about being someone different. The extreme change caught him by surprise but he
caught himself and said, "No, it wasn't that you were going to show me where to get another pillow."

"Oh yes I remember now." As she walked off she she suddenly quite lucidly said, "I know you spoke to Jessica, I don't mean to
hurt her you know it's just too hard." Niki saw Jessica looking back at her from the mirror pracically in tears. "I wish I
could help you you know make it easier, but...."

With that Niki trailed off and Peter could see that she was gone once again into her own world.

Peter tried to catch her attention, "She knows that you know."

Niki blinked and looked at him, "Hmm...Who knows what? You know I really need to sleep Micah has school early in the
morning."

Peter watched her go off sadly realizing just how much help she needed and vowed to help her and Jessica.
*************
 
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2 NEW Walls!   
12:21pm 18/04/2007
  Jessica/Niki:


Niki:
 
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i win!   
10:50pm 14/04/2007
  Heroes

Heroes
 
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new wallpaper yea!   
12:49am 07/04/2007
  Clip for bigger size!

 
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3 Niki/Jessica Heroes Wallpapers   
01:31pm 25/03/2007
  Please click for larger 1024x768 versions:

Jessica and Niki:



Niki:



Jessica:
 
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One Day - Heroes Fanfic   
11:54pm 17/03/2007
  It was on a day unlike any other when she first saw him. Or should she say, part of her saw him. It was love at first sight. But everything changes and soon you realize the time is up. And that only the memories remain. How many or how few they are. They still remain.

It had taken that one day for her to realize she needed him. And for him to realize he loved her. But things can be taken away at an instance and all that is left is one day.

It had been a routine day, like any other. But then she took over. Slowly eating away at her sanity and destroying her being to make her life its own. Reality slowly left and fantasy remained.

The Niki I knew slowly disappeared. To be replaced with something different, more feral. An being who knew no boundaries. Jessica. The moments when my Niki was there were fewer and farther between. Even knowing what might happen, I wouldn't have left her there alone.

Niki slowly disappeared into a world of her own. She was distant, dazed. But we held up hope that we could do something about it. That if we just fought hard enough Jessica would be put at bay. She started to believe everything was fine. That she would be saved. And we believed her as always. It was a lie.

Jessica took over and ended up hurting Micah. Niki decided it be best that she be locked far away from us in a land of drugs and straitjackets. When i go to visit, I find I am left with what appeared to be Niki. But the drugs to keep Jessica at bay take her away as well. I hoped that she would over come this and return to us.

The person in that cell is not Niki. It was just a shell of the woman, she had been. The woman I had fallen in love with. She had been taken over completely by a Jessica, and then given up completely to control her. She did not know us, or realize what was happening around her. All she knew was that Jessica would not return and that we were safe. She was a shell, who knew not how to live in our world, yet had the innocence of a child.


Jessica had taken her away from me.

And all it took was...

ONE DAY
 
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QUIZZIES!   
01:33am 31/01/2007
  They need to amke these harder very easy to get teh answers i want :)







Which Heroes character are you?




You are Nikki. You look into the mirror and you see someone who looks like you, but it's not. Her name is Jessica, and she's evil. Ahe helps you figure out what to do. Your husband is evil, and stole your son, after you tried to kill him. Actually, after Jessica tried to kill him.
Take this quiz!








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What Hero on Heroes are you?




You are Nikki/Jessika Sanders. She has a split personality. Jessika is her twin sister that died along time ago and is now inside of Nikki protecting her.
Take this quiz!








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I've seen 155 out of 240 movies   
11:15pm 23/01/2007
  Body: SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 100 movies, you have no life.

Mark the ones you've seen. There are 240 movies on this list. Copy this list, go to your own myspace account, paste this as a bulletin. Then, put x's next to the movies you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun!

(x) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
() Pirates of the Caribbean
() Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
() Starsky and Hutch
() Neverending Story
() Blazing Saddles
() Hook
Total: 3

() The Princess Bride
() AnchorMan
() Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
(x ) Saw
( x) Saw II
( x) Saw III
(x) White Noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
() The Princess Diaries
() The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 11

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x ) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
( x) Scary Movie 3
( x) Scary Movie 4
( x) American Pie
( x) American Pie 2
( x) American Wedding
( x) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 21

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( x) Resident Evil 1
( x) Resident Evil 2
() The Wedding Singer
() Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 29

() Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch (the original!)
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
( x) Butterfly Effect
() 13 Going on 30
() I, Robot
() Robots
Total so far: 35

() Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
(x) Deep Impact
() KingPin
() Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
() Joe Dirt
() KING KONG
Total so far: 40

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
( x) Dumber & Dumberer
( x) Final Destination
( x) Final Destination 2
( x) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x The Ring
( x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 50

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic
(x)Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
(x) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
() Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 55

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
(x) Seed of Chucky
(x) Bride of Chucky
(x) 10 Things I Hate About You
( x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
() Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( x) The Grudge
( x) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
(x ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 68

() Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Sleven
() Ocean's Eleven
( ) Ocean's Twelve
() Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
() Bedazzled
() Predator I
() Predator II
(x ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 71

(x) Independence Day
(x) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( x) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
()x Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
() Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
() Rush Hour
() Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 78

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
() Sideways
(x) Mars Attacks
(x ) Event Horizon
() Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
( x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 86

(x) X-Men
(x) X2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
(x ) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( x) Reign of Fire
() The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 103

(x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( x) Boogeyman
() The 40-year-old-virgin
Total so far: 109

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 115

() Baseketball
(x) Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
(x) House of 1000 Corpses
(x) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
() Highlander
() Mothman Prophecies
() American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 119

( x) The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
() Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x) Shaun Of the Dead
(x) Willard
Total so far: 124

(x ) High Tension
(x ) Club Dread
() Hulk
(x) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Liar Liar
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe(the original BBC/PBS one)
(x) 28 days
() Orgazmo
(x ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
Total so far: 132

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
(x) Wolf Creek
( x) Kingdom of Heaven
( x) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( x) The Last House on the Left
( x) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 140

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor(at least I think so...was animated right?)
Total so far: 146

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
( x) The Girl Next Door
( ) Animatrix
( ) How High
(x) Half Baked
(x) Mrs. Doubtfire
(x) Open Water
() Team America: World Police
() Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) The Goonies
() Sin City
Total so far: 155

put "I've seen xxx out of 240 movies" in the subject line and repost it
 
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hear tshaped box   
12:43am 30/11/2006
  DONE BY EVANSANCE! SCARY SCARY! RUN!  
     Post
 
bitchy lady   
02:42pm 27/11/2006
  shes now makign sure i cant get unemployment by lsiting me asn aactive employee after firing me  
     Post
 
target fired me   
01:31pm 24/11/2006
  target fired me  
     Post